Coming Soon to a Town Near You

I’ve been in India for seven months. I’m leaving Wednesday.

It’s time.

It’s not that I’m tired of India. I mean, I am, a little. I’m tired of the heat and the traffic. I’m tired of bugs. I’m tired of salespeople shadowing me when I shop and restaurants that take reservations for 6:30 but don’t open until 7. I’m really tired of rice.

But minor annoyances aren’t the reason I’m leaving. I’m heading back to the U.S. because there’s stuff I wanna do there. I came to India because there was stuff I wanted to do here. I did that stuff. I learned more than I planned on learning. I took more than I’d hoped to take. I found teachers and friends and both in one.

I’ve scratched off everything on the India to-do list. Travel: check. Unwind: check. Find self: check. Buy bangles: check.

(If you didn’t know already, I’m an obsessive list maker, a trait I owe to my mom. I’ve juggled as many as a dozen lists at a time. Here’s a partial list of ‘em: shopping list; errand list; to-do list at the office; to-do list at home; and lists of gift ideas, movies to watch, books to read, places to visit and yoga poses to practice. I’ve been known to kick off slumber parties with: “Ladies, I’m making a list of all the topics we need to cover.”)

Here’s what I want to do when I get back to the States. I want to keep the “I’d rathers” at bay. As much as possible, I want to be where I’d rather be. I want to spend the bulk of my days doing things I care about, things that interest me, things that challenge me, things that maybe help a person or two. I don’t know if I can do that. I mean, a girl needs health insurance, not to mention the occasional hot stone massage. But I’m going to try. I have some ideas.

I miss America. I’ve never been a patriot, but, dang, it’s a mighty fine place to live. It’s a Choose Your Own Adventure life. India, I love you, but your codes of conduct – family honor and whatnot – don’t sit well. You’re too quick to cast out. Too unforgiving.

I miss mundane things like clothes dryers, pillow-top mattresses, sidewalks and lettuce. I miss sushi and sake and anonymity. I miss hugging and that cheek-kiss thing they do in New York. (There’s not much touching in India, except between male buddies.) I miss stretch fabrics.

I’m looking forward to getting off the plane at LAX, where Heather will be waiting. I’m going to give her a long hug. I’m going to turn on the fancy seat warmers in her fancy car, roll down the windows and breath clean-ish air. I’m going to prance around town in tank top and shades, and nobody will notice me. I’ll reap one of the greatest rewards of seeing the world: seeing my world with fresh eyes. I’ll drink tap water because I can. I’ll visit my friends and my tax accountant (big money, Larry, BIG MONEY). I’ll eat salad!

After about a week, I’ll get behind the wheel of my gold Buick and drive across the country. I’ll take in the national parks and the Wal-Marts; the truck stops and Tommy Hilfiger outlets; several dozen McDonald’s arches and twice that many Starbucks seals. I’ve told some friends along the way to leave a light on for me.

So much has changed since I left in August. One friend got married, and another got divorced. Two friends got pregnant, a third got into grad school, and a few got new jobs. One had a baby girl; one had a heart attack and died. I want to be there for the next batch.

I’ll post some photos and my U.S. tour calendar in the coming weeks. Thank you for reading. A bigger thank you for writing. See ya soon.